If you are like me you might find yourself questioning your decisions, your choices, or even your heart because everyone around you has an opinion; one you never ask them to give. Everything seems to be up for conversation with the popularity of social media and reality tv. Understandably, unsolicited advice and judging one another has become just as popular. Navigating relationships have become more than just a game, but a complicated equation of the right labels, the best image, and finding your own ways to make it work.
Partner-What?
Partnerships is a fairly new term that many are afraid to explore but ready to judge. They view it as a sandwich without the bread. I can see why many people feel it’s a scary place to be. It’s a relationship without labels and brand-new territory. It brings up questions of where respect, exclusivity, being faithful or commitment fall into a partnership. The thing is many see a partnership as something deeper than a relationship. You might say you haven’t really told me what a partnership is and that is because there really is not a set definition. You might ask a couple, and they will tell you that a partnership is part of their relationships and the best part of their relationship is their partnership.They are about your choices and your bond with another person. It’s about both of you having that discussion and coming up with your own rules, and what is right for the two of you.
You can admit that relationships are hard, but you also know when you meet the right person they are worth the effort. Times are changing, and we are seeing more career driven and ambitious individuals, which means they have less time for a “real” relationship and instead have either a partnership or using dating apps and social media to find love. Back in 2014, according to the Pew Research Center, millennials are creating their own path when it comes to adulating. Unlike in the past, we are getting married later and are more focused on careers and the climate of the world. So, it is not surprising four years later not much has changed except there are more reasons for the hesitation. Some feel less financially stable or come from broken homes and are not falling into the fairy tale of marriage.
Interesting, right? However, I cannot say that I do not understand, and all of this got me to thinking is social media allowing us to create an inauthentic version of ourselves. You only get to see the person they want you to see and begin to have unrealistic expectations of individuals when we meet them; making it harder for those who do not fit into those expectations while also putting pressure on ourselves to be social media “perfect.” These include having a relationship that is #relationshipgoals.
It is like there is an unwritten rule that after one fight or issues you need to get out of your relationship or situation. You are avoiding being seen as feeling embarrassed in front of your followers while believing you are being judged. Even if you are not into showing your relationship on social media, you have to realize that might be because you’re afraid of what they might say or think. Keeping your relationship to yourself instead of showing your happiness is the safer bet. Everyone is looking for something that is real, and social media takes that away from them.
Sociologist and Philosopher Zygmunt Bauman wrote the book Liquid Love and argued that solidity and security that long-life partnerships once provided has been “liquefied” by technological changes and changes in how we see people. He believes that internet dating is suggestive and technological changes have transformed modern courtship into a game of keeps and gain. He discovered that dating apps and social media have negatively impacted our views on intimacy.
We tend to look at celebrities for our #relationshipgoals. We see couples like Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade, Gucci Mane and Keyshia Ka’Oir, or Beyoncéand Jay-Z’s social media and immediately say “goals” when we know nothing about their relationships other than what we see. We are happy when they are happy, sad when they are sad, and disappointed when they are having relationship issues; all of this without truly knowing anything about them. The other problem is what works for them might not work for any of us. So, it is not surprising when someone says something that doesn’t fit those #relationshipgoals we are more than disappointed. Instead of letting that person have their own opinion we want them to agree with what we like to see as the perfect relationships on social media.
Navigating the Equation
It took me longer than I would have liked to figure out where I fall into this equation. I’ve learned that I don’t have to figure it out. Men and women have been trying to figure each other out since the beginning of time, and without knowing it, maybe we have created something that very few might not understand. It is not that no one wants a relationship, but instead wants something real. If it is either needing a label for security or just longing to find a person who fits who we are, the result is the same.
I’m not naïve. I know not everyone agrees that relationships are changing and there are many people who still value marriage. In 1960 marriage was at 72% and now, it steadily stays at 50%. Many young adults are having babies and living together, but are not getting married. Women are now having more babies; more than a million millennial women are becoming moms each year. Instead of getting married they are starting a family and skipping the paperwork.
Relationships, partnerships or whatever you want to call it, or not call it is for you to decide.
So, as far as relationship goals maybe it is best to find our own way, do what makes us happy and respects others’ decisions. We are all looking for a real connection, someone to be our best friend and create a small world of our own, while bringing happiness into each of their lives.
curated by kay mckenzie 
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